She Won't Walk Away But She Won't Look Back

No end in sight right now.

Thailand? Pipe dream.

I wonder where that expression came from. Anyways, right now all I see is work,work,work. After that I can see meltdown,breakdown,freakout.

I'm stuck. I'm miserable. And I have no idea how to turn this around anymore. I feel like I've tried and failed more times than I can count.

I'm just done.


Love This Bitch

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore."

-Lady Gaga



I need a change of scenery stat.

Impulse decision time....Thailand, oui ou non?

This isn't like hopping on a plane and going to Tucson for a few days like I did in January. Thailand for two weeks is a whole different story.

First off, my passport expires in May, and from a little research I've done online I might need a new one, as they would not accept mine with only a month left.

Also, I'd be giving my bosses two weeks notice, appropriate for maybe a week vacation, but I'm concerned they will deny my request because I'd pretty much be MIA for two weeks. ABSOLUTE BLISS for me.

Because I can't take it anymore. I feel like, well, like these frazzled cats.

I need to have two weeks where my phone isn't ringing asking me questions, two weeks of not having to clean up a mess that should have been taken care of the night before, two weeks of not feeling disrespected when I ask for a few simple changes and they are blatantly ignored.

What I need is two weeks of adventure, relaxation and freedom. Two weeks of exploring Thailand, Vietnam, beaches, jungles, markets, meeting people from all over the world, discovering the beauty of a completely different culture.

I need to party here

I need to watch this sunrise

I need to swim and explore here

I have nothing tying me down. I have to do this. My soul is empty and each day rolls into the next with no discernible change.
Tomorrow I start checking on my passport, so the ball is rolling! Fingers crossed because if this happens, it will fill my soul and recharge everything else that is running on empty.


This One's For Him

you know who you are

If you keep doing what you've always done....

you'll keep getting what you've always gotten

I have this desire to get my ass back to school and finish off the 2 classes that are standing in my way. It's been a long, hard, stressful road to get to this point. I've had breakdowns, spent months being unable to even move because the stress of full time school plus 3 jobs finally got to me.

And I broke. Quit all my jobs and started dropping classes, one at a time, until I realized I needed to take a good look at myself and change. What I always did just led me back to the same depression, anxiety and feeling like I had nothing to offer to myself or anyone else.

I'm starting to find I'm in a better place and, even though I work full time, almost every day, taking spring and summer courses should, no WILL, be manageable. I have to change the way I think, the way I operate, the way I deal with stress. I also have to focus on myself and surround myself with people who will not only accept my need to be alone, but support me with decisions.

.....but it's so hard. I'm a creature of habit. I also focus on making sure others are ok and my needs and desires, my wants and needs, my passion gets put on the back burner. Then I get stressed, overwork,sick and end up forgetting all about MY dreams, MY passions and MY needs.

I'm torn.
I'm confused.
But I'm excited.

I Feel A Change Comin' On


Karma Chameleon

How people treat you
is their karma;
how you react is yours.
~Wayne Dyer