Guess who's happy?

ME! YAY!
I'm happy.
I don't know why, but in this moment I am happy.
And it feels wonderful!
My happiness is not because of a guy, new clothes, drinks with friends....it's just because.
And that makes me smile.
Because for the longest time I was always sad.......just because.
But this moment I'm happy.
And I'm gonna ride the happy wave for as long as I can.
Go Lisa!

soooo.......tired.....

always.never.

the solution to all of my problems. avoidance. ink. fake smiles.




alone again.
don't necessarily want to be, but it's for the best.
so i'm going to embrace it.
and stop doing stupid things.
and stupid boys.

things got worse

callmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallmecallme.

i'm not gonna stop until you answer.

Breathe...deeply...things are slowly getting better

day by day.

just breathe.

you'll be ok.

promise.

PS

thanks for the flowers, Ohio.
For someone I barely know, you
made me grin like an idiot on
my birthday.

under pressure

it was my birthday....and I cried all I wanted to


Fuck.

Some of the people who I care (ne:CARED...I don't give a FUCK about ya'll anymore) about didn't bother to call or message me. It fucking hurt so bad.

I went into work to deal with the ongoing bullshit. And I cried.

I have to go get an ECG test done because I'm so stressed and my heart is literally in turmoil. My doctor is close to making me go on medical leave from work.

Would that be such a bad thing? Is money really worth not being able to take a full breath, or crying several times a day?

its my birthday

I'm scared in not going to hear from the people I care about the most today....some I've pushed away, but I still want to hear your voice.

And now my best friend is just ignoring me....I guess since I dont have a fiance or a baby I no longer fit into her life. And it hurts.... a lot.

I would love a phone call from her today. Not just a fb post saying happy birthday but an ACTUAL phone call.

Plan for the day:
Tanning. Pedicure. Back to work on my day off to take care of interviews/ bank issues. lunch with a good friend. Go for a bike ride on my new bike.

I know I'm getting a bike for my birthday, so my birthday WISH is to start shedding these disgusting layers of fat and get my ass back into gear. So rain or shine, I'm gonna get on that bike and GO. Because I can :)