Keep Calm....

And I did! With one of my best friends Silly right there with me <3



All Good Things Are Wild And Free....amen to that.

It's Official: We're Over

According to her



The best friend I was worried about recently has deleted and blocked me from her facebook. Has ignored messages and texts. And, I'm assuming, is also talking to mutual friends because at least one has deleted AND blocked me as well! Now I know our lives have become different in the past two years. She is married with a beautiful daughter, but I NEVER once thought that would change the bond that we had created.

I admit I have no idea what it is like to have a child, but that doesn't mean I can't be friends with her, does it? I used to come over, bring Paisley a Christmas present and sip Starbucks with Trish; in March I came over, played with Paisley and we got caught up on our lives.

After high school we drifted apart a bit, but every month or two we would meet for coffee, chat for 3 hours and then just got close all over again. She brought me flowers and took me to lunch when I broke up with the only man I had ever truly loved. She gave me tough love advice when it came to a new boyfriend who was wrong for me for SO many reason.

And I'm going to miss her. And miss us. And miss watching her daughter grow up. I wanted to be known as auntie Lisa...and now I'm afraid I'm going to be nobody to her. And when I eventually find the man of my dreams and get married, I wanted her to be in my bridal party, like I was in her wedding. I'd even settle for her just coming to my wedding. But for now.......for now.......


For now I just have to work on accepting this. Because it's going to take a LOT of work.....

and right now the only thing i have a lot of is tears....

these are my nights...

and my days...



I really don't feel like being here anymore...

I don't have anyone....

Thank You For Being A Douche

Here's a transcript of texts I received from an ex last night. I couldn't sleep, couldn't catch my breath, couldn't stop crying...unnecessary, untrue and ridiculously hurtful.

"you never did give a fuck. i was a just a big joke to your whole family"
"that's not called love, that's pity"
"Have fun with your new boyfriend. i hope his family makes fun of you behind your back. then you will see what it feels like"
"Or did you leave me because I beat you up?"
me-you let go of a girl who loved you
"no she left me because she thought she was too cool"
"well yah now that you gave me herpes it will be harder i guess i will have to lie like you now"
"You're a fat whore that needs to suck dick to get what you want in life"
"make sure you marry a rich man with a good prescription plan. you're going to need it"
" I know you make fun of people to make yourself feel better. i was tired of it"

After two months of not talking, I get text after text cutting me down, making me feel worthless, unloveable, disgusting. And none of it is true. Words cut deep and it's going to take a long time to heal these wounds....no matter how much I try to rise above.

At least your sister was compassionate enough to call me and talk me down last night...

i'm in need of this movie today...

....I'm scared a friendship of over 11 years could be ending...





.

So Forgetting Sarah Marshall it is!



"Inside you, INSIIIIDEEE YYOOUUU"

Guess who's happy?

ME! YAY!
I'm happy.
I don't know why, but in this moment I am happy.
And it feels wonderful!
My happiness is not because of a guy, new clothes, drinks with friends....it's just because.
And that makes me smile.
Because for the longest time I was always sad.......just because.
But this moment I'm happy.
And I'm gonna ride the happy wave for as long as I can.
Go Lisa!

soooo.......tired.....

always.never.

the solution to all of my problems. avoidance. ink. fake smiles.




alone again.
don't necessarily want to be, but it's for the best.
so i'm going to embrace it.
and stop doing stupid things.
and stupid boys.