Hey King! I Know You Read This Soooo...

 ...thanks for making me smile. It's been quite a tough year 
 so it's nice to end it on a positive note with a shit 
eating grin on my face.

Love everything about this, I think I need to go back red....and bangs...

That Sinking Feeling

A genuine heart, a real woman, a strong person counts for NOTHING these days, I have come to find. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am kind and considerate yet I constantly get walked over, ignored and pushed aside for "the others". These "others" are the sometimes younger, dumbed down versions of good women who like to spend the money of men who are willing to let them.


I'm the girl guys run to to complain about their "amazing" girlfriends....maybe I'm just bitter because every time I feel like I'm getting close to something lately it blows up in my face....but there was never any dynamite around.

Remember What You're Fighting For

I wish I could. 

I've lost all motivation, all sense of self, creativity and worth. I'm undefined and I can't pinpoint this feeling, but I don't like it at all. 

I need someone to come along and breathe some hope into me. 

"I haven't hugged you since you were 8"

Last night was difficult, but I'm happy I followed through. In the end, all you really 

have is your family and despite the time it has taken to get here I can only look 

forward from now on. 

Digging Up The Past

Came home early from work tonight, haven't been feeling so great. Decided to grab my old journals and read through them. Not quite sure if this was a good decision or not, I definitely have been reminded of some things that I wish I could erase from my memory. But then I get to relive some amazing moments of my life with my family and friends.

Here's where I ended tonight with some random blathering; pretty normal for me:
May 6/08

Why do....
I love being alone?
Rainstorms make me happy?
People believe in God?
People never signal when turning?
I always say the wrong thing?
I let people get to me?
Puppies make me fee better?
I have the urge to drive with my eyes closed?
I enjoy my blankets so much?
I need music everyday?
I sountrack my moods with music and songs?
Boys lie?
Boys suck?
Some boys defy the odds?
Those boys stick with me?
I love him?
I think he loves me?
I keep procrastinating?
I want SO much?
My friends not get it anymore?
I love the First 48 so much?
I have people that love the mess that is me?

A Change Would Do You Good

"NO"-looks like I need to change something

Starbucks and aviators, two of my faves

Aviators, rings, black polish....<3

I want to be in the sand, taking pics of myself in my aviators.

oh to be skinny....gym, gym,salads,gym,protein shakes...

The Times, They Are A Changin'

I've been sick for weeks, off work for weeks too. I just got back from a 4 day vacation with my sister and throughout that time I've been reflecting, or at least trying to reflect, on myself. Who I am, where I belong, if I'm in the right career, should I go back to school, should I move to Vancouver? I often feel so fucking lonely in this city, despite having great friends here. I don't know where I belong.

I have updated my resume...just in case.
And started scouting job sites for here....and further west.

So Far 2011 Hasn't Exactly Panned Out As I Hoped It Would

Europe ins't happening this year (hopefully next year, right Sil?)

I'm hoping Vegas is still a go at least once this year.

Amen!

I could go on a rant and blame other people, blame my job, complain about friends, but I wont. I only have myself to blame. (I guess that was a mini rant, but that's it.)

From here on out, I will strive to be as positive as possible, as honest as possible, as strong as possible and as creative as possible. I will rely on myself, I will not worry about the opinions of others. The people I used to consider best friends are more like acquaintances now, and that's fine. Sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes they need that space to bring them back together. For now, it's going to be all about me; Not in a selfish way though, in a necessary way. 

There are aspects of myself that I need to focus on fixing and rebuilding. I need to be brutally honest with myself about who I was, who I am RIGHT NOW and who I TRULY want to become. It's going to take a long time, but I'm ready to get out of this rut. I'm stalled in my life, and I don't want that anymore. Time to move forward into June 2011...

Here I go!

28

I turned 28 years old on Friday.

I wish one person would have picked up an actual telephone to wish me a happy birthday. Not ONE single person (besides my grandpa, who I missed because I was out) called me. FB shout outs are cool, bbm messages are nice, text messages are ok but a quick phone call.......

I don't think I'm asking for a lot. I just wanted to hear the voices of the people I love the most.

Updated

I can't forget all the amazing people who work with and around me who wished me a happy birthday; Ashti, my sweetheart, who gave me a Timmy's gift card and everyone who came out to celebrate on Saturday!!! 

Me and my girl May

Lovely Chrystal and I

Me and my Israeli gang!

I Want To Ride My Bicycle, I Want To Ride My Bike!

True dat, internet picture words of wisdom! I got a bike for my birthday last year, and I'll be riding it a LOT more this year. I have finally got a great team at work, so I'm able to have two days off during the week and I'm planning a trip thorugh the River Valley with my dad!

               Next time I visit Sarah, I want to bring my bike so I can
                     bike all around  this city and seawall! I  know Lexi will
join me with her baller new bike!