We all make mistakes...
This wasn't a mistake, this was a gigantic No No, an inconceivable move and, quite frankly, I still don't know what drove me to do it.
But it happened.
This is a defining moment where I KNOW I have lost someone I love for good, even though said person wanted me to come clean-and I came squeaky clean. ALL out on the table because that was the only way this person said there could be a possibility of salvaging our friendship.
With the genius idea to alienate myself from others, I've lost touch with SO many people, some who I would talk to on a daily basis, go on trips with, hang out just because...I don't have that with anyone. And that is on me. (I've also GAINED some unwanted friends-stupid FAT go home, my body doesn't want you here).
I can only hope that, with time, we are able to build up our friendship to what it was; those rare connections that don't come around all too often, or ever, and I don't want to lose that.
What I have to do now is reach out to others for many things; HELP when I need it, to reconnect, to strengthen weak friendships...a social network OUTSIDE of my family is what I need to heal and get back to me. The "me" from the last 6-8 months...I don't know who that was, but everything she told me to do made perfect sense. I'm just happy she didn't persuade me to jump off a bridge; I would have considered it...that she-devil was very convincing....
This wasn't a mistake, this was a gigantic No No, an inconceivable move and, quite frankly, I still don't know what drove me to do it.
But it happened.
This is a defining moment where I KNOW I have lost someone I love for good, even though said person wanted me to come clean-and I came squeaky clean. ALL out on the table because that was the only way this person said there could be a possibility of salvaging our friendship.
With the genius idea to alienate myself from others, I've lost touch with SO many people, some who I would talk to on a daily basis, go on trips with, hang out just because...I don't have that with anyone. And that is on me. (I've also GAINED some unwanted friends-stupid FAT go home, my body doesn't want you here).
I can only hope that, with time, we are able to build up our friendship to what it was; those rare connections that don't come around all too often, or ever, and I don't want to lose that.
What I have to do now is reach out to others for many things; HELP when I need it, to reconnect, to strengthen weak friendships...a social network OUTSIDE of my family is what I need to heal and get back to me. The "me" from the last 6-8 months...I don't know who that was, but everything she told me to do made perfect sense. I'm just happy she didn't persuade me to jump off a bridge; I would have considered it...that she-devil was very convincing....
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| I'll explain this caption in my next post...ties in with the point I'm at in my life |
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