I understand the term "lovesick" and am feeling it quite literally right now. I don't know if its love, but I care about him. Let him back in after a year of no contact, literally walking past me as if I was a ghost anytime we would cross paths. After his apology he promised to do everything in his power to never hurt me again. He said he realized what I had offered and was an idiot to pass it up. He said I was worth it. He said he hoped he had a shot. It made me happy.

And now I'm waiting on a call, sick to my stomach, because......well I've barely spoken to him lately, so I don't know what it will be about. But I know he's been "stressed" "busy with work" on the "proverbial precipice". That last one was his.....dramatic much? But everyone has problems, stress, family issues and I wish he wouldn't be so selfish? self centred? egomaniacal?

I'm nauseous waiting for this phone call. How's that for grandiosity? Texting at 6:30am that he will call "sometime tonight". Just reading this as I type it makes me laugh....a little. Makes me want to cry a lot.


Ring stupid phone, RIIIINNNNG! I want this over with.

One More Time, With Feeling

I can't believe I'm falling for it again. I can't believe I fell for it again. I can't believe I feel upset again. I can't believe I let you do this again. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

I can't believe I believed you.

101 Posts And Counting...

Wow, I can't believe I've completed over 100 blog posts....mostly pictures, some words. Some over emotional, but who cares, this is my little slice of indulgent internet cake.

Going to be some big changes happening at work. I've got to keep my cool, remember I am in charge and make this year the most successful year for our team ever! I'm determined to mentor my new girl and prove to everyone that we made a good choice bringing her here. I hope she works just as hard to prove them all wrong, too.

I'll be making these soon for when Sarah and Graycen come to town <3

pssst...guess what

I just found out my former best friend Trish is pregnant with her second child. I didn't think I would have a reaction like this. My heart is in my throat and I can barely see the screen through the welled up tears. Despite what has happened in the past, I miss her desperately sometimes. She was one of those rare friends that you are meant to have for a lifetime. And now while she's going through this pregnancy, I won't be there to take "glamour shots" of Trish's belly with headphones for the peanut, or taking pictures of my sympathy weight vs her baby belly.

Trish  I really do miss her.  Me

Hopefully one day she and I can meet up just to talk . It would mean a lot to me, 

and I hope she thinks about me 1/10 of the amount I think of her.

But this just means I'll be appreciating the ones I have. And I have AMAZING friends. 

Like my lovely Sarah and her beautiful baby girl Graycen.

blanky from aunty Lisa

The most gorgeous mother, just stunning.