I understand the term "lovesick" and am feeling it quite literally right now. I don't know if its love, but I care about him. Let him back in after a year of no contact, literally walking past me as if I was a ghost anytime we would cross paths. After his apology he promised to do everything in his power to never hurt me again. He said he realized what I had offered and was an idiot to pass it up. He said I was worth it. He said he hoped he had a shot. It made me happy.

And now I'm waiting on a call, sick to my stomach, because......well I've barely spoken to him lately, so I don't know what it will be about. But I know he's been "stressed" "busy with work" on the "proverbial precipice". That last one was his.....dramatic much? But everyone has problems, stress, family issues and I wish he wouldn't be so selfish? self centred? egomaniacal?

I'm nauseous waiting for this phone call. How's that for grandiosity? Texting at 6:30am that he will call "sometime tonight". Just reading this as I type it makes me laugh....a little. Makes me want to cry a lot.


Ring stupid phone, RIIIINNNNG! I want this over with.